Using Pop Culture To Connect With Others

        Four kids, two boys and two girls, all aged 7-8, circled my office floor. Two of them had already gotten in a fight over today’s activity, which was using a puppet to tell another puppet about a time their feelings were hurt. “The other day when Arlene pushed me in line…” began one, a moment ago. Arlene, who is sitting next to him, begins to pout. “No, no.” I interject. “We’re not using this time to tell on other people.” Manny, the first kid who started the story, gets frustrated, but moves forward. “Wait a minute,” I have to step in again. “We’re talking about feelings getting hurt today. Remember, feelings are happy, sad, angry….Your story about falling off your bike is a really interesting story, but it’s not really about feelings, is it?”

            I was not getting through to them. And they were starting to revolt.

            Talking to kids is really difficult. Talking to a group of kids is even more so. But the one thing I’ve found that really gets through to kids, something I’ve found to be relevant since my days as a nanny, is knowing what their pop culture is. VeggieTales? Seen ‘em all. Hannah Montana? She has the best of both worlds. Even though they liked the puppets, my kids were losing interest. They’d drifted to a more important discussion than feelings: the movie How To Train Your Dragon.

            How To Train Your Dragon, if you haven’t seen it, is kind of an awesome movie. And thank goodness my husband and I, although childless, watched it just a few weeks ago. Based on the recommendation of my husband’s three-year-old second cousin, we were pretty sure it was a good bet. So we Netflixed it. And now I had something to talk about.

            “Hey guys, do you remember what it was like for Hiccup on How To Train Your Dragon?” Three of the four pairs of eyes trained on me. (You can’t win them all.) I was speaking their language.

            “Remember how everyone in his village fought dragons, and he was the only one who couldn’t do it? And everybody else laughed at him?”

            They agreed, with re-enactments of key scenes of rejection at the beginning of the movie.

            “I bet that really hurt his feelings, huh?”

            There wasn’t an a-ha moment, per say. But they were engaged, and something was happening. It might have been just a minute, but they got it.

            If you’ve shared an experience with someone, you are now identifiable. You are safer, more known. You have a common history, no matter how small. You are a person that gets something that they get. It brings you forward a dozen steps in the process of connection with another person. And once you get there, you’re able to do something about it. Talk to your teenage son. Intervene in a crisis situation.

            So whether you’re a counselor trying to reach a client, or at a party and looking for a way to make a friend, think about throwing this kind of thing out there, and seeing what happened. I bet you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

            'Til Next Session.
            Stephanie Ann Adams